If it’s one thing that is at the forefront of my life right now, it’s the two polar opposing energies, or at least they appear to be opposing. As I drop into the centre of my life right now I am faced with the eternal question, do I trust or do I withdraw and take the route of safety and security? That old automated way, that easy and comfortable way. It’s what seems logical. The brain seems hardwired for it.
Yet what I have learned from the years I have spent with those I love, from those whom inspire me, from my beloved is that that nothing of true value ever arrives without a complete surrender.
There is a point at which I must totally go beyond fear, to edge towards the precipice, towards the chasm that lies beyond the known world, from which a new world awaits. A world outside my comfort zone.
The truth is, we are all connected. Things come to us from an Infinite Divine Intelligence, wether we understand it, feel it or resist it. It is all there, available and ready to be tapped into at anytime, always.
This morning the word ‘Affusion’ arrived. I’ve never heard of this word, let alone used it. But it came to me when I thought about what writing does for me.
‘Writing for me has become a kind of soul affusion on the body of my life.’
The moment the sentence arrived I pondered it’s significance. Immediately, I looked up the meaning. Wikipedia says – Affusion comes from the latin word affusio, meaning to ‘pour on.’ It is a method of baptism where water is poured on the head of the person being baptized.
I was amazed to discover that the meaning was totally relevant to the way writing transforms and blesses my life. I am not a Christian or conform to any religious identity, I don’t need identities to experience spirituality and Divinity. In fact the less rigid I am about myself and my beliefs the more connected I feel.
Recent life transitions prompt me to explore particularly this relevance of identity.
To be truthful, the person I believe myself to be seems to have such a bearing on how I feel. Today I question the very purpose of a fixed identity and how it plays a part in relationships and my ability to accept and embrace the inevitable changes that come.
An epiphany opened up as I realised that, contrary to my fears, I am not reduced or lessened when those I love in my life are no longer in my life or their love is withdrawn. As these changes appear and I am without the company of loved ones, it is my identity that feels threatened, but this is not who I really am.
There are so many ideas of who I think I am and who I think I’m not. I began to let go and drop the stories behind my relationships. Eckart Tolle asserts we humans place our hopes and efforts to find ourselves, hoping to complete who we are in relationships because deep down we haven’t found our true self.
I began to explore in the stillness, in the not needing to know, withdrawing a search for meaning outside. I began to open into an embodied sense of peace. A satisfying state to be in because nothing was required, nothing needed to change. No-one else was required. Refreshing.
Beautifully, another question arrived, what if it was ok to embrace absolutely everything, every emotion. Sadness, grief, anger, lust, paranoia, panic, joy, power, arrogance, deceit, happiness, exuberance, beauty, aggression, pessimism, devotion, grit, perseverance, deliverance, joy, love, patience, presence, trust, faith and everything else in between.
What if I expanded to encompass all of spectrums of emotion without limit? What if all of life was granted permission? I opened up, embodying every part of life. My consciousness expanded and I shifted. New possibilities, life appeared limitless and perhaps, perhaps it truly is. Perhaps there are so many more things available beyond fear.
It could be that withdrawing the belief that I already know who I am and what I can and can’t achieve connects me to a world of expanding possibilities. To the Divine Intelligence that operates through all of life and connects and provides for us all.