Have you ever found yourself to be acting in ways that are not congruent with who you really are?
If you’re anything like me, you might find yourself living in a community that has many different variants on what’s acceptable normal behaviour and what’s not normal behaviour. Truth is personal perspectives play a large role in what is acceptable and unacceptable.
I have often asked myself when creating a piece of art, “why am I doing this?” I could go one step further and ask myself, “why am I writing this blog?” – I shall answer the first question and take into consideration the paintings I recently created after I returned from my trip to California.
When I had arrived back home I had an exhibition booked within a few weeks. I decided to create new paintings for the show and complete them within just over a week. This gave me a new focus and also gave me a sense of confidence. Usually, I would spend countless hours to finish a piece, aiming for perfection. I never really knew exactly how long it would take because I don’t watch the clock.
Painting involves a sense of vulnerability for me and as much as I had dreamed otherwise struggle has also been present. A sense of work rather than simply play comes with creating these images. Especially since I had decided to pursue it as a professional artist. I guess in a way as human as I am I have sought to make something of myself. Hence it has lost some degree of appeal. It is amazing how the ego can creep in and begin to establish itself and hinder the essence of why we are all really here.
So it’s time to step back and recalibrate. Time to find a deeper sense of purpose to my vision. Whatever it is inspiration definately comes with personal authenticity which I prize over and above a lack of clarity.
So to answer the second question “why am I writing this blog?”- it is perhaps the most inspiring and invigorating part of my life right now to which I have chosen to commit myself. As a form of exercise I have found myself being transformed by the act of writing and sharing a heartfelt expression through the art of the word. I love the sound of my fingers tapping the keys on the computer and the shift in consciousness as revelations occur.
So let’s return to the topic of authenticity. Have you ever noticed when there is something difficult to communicate with someone. You feel the topic close to your heart and suddenly a gap grows between you and them. Somehow the gap is being caused by the inability to be simply yourself. So what’s really going on here? Are we investing ourselves in maintaining a persona that isn’t ours?
Let’s say John is sleeping with Jane. Jane likes to pull the blankets over her but doesn’t realise that in her sleep she leaves John without any covers and he gets cold. He thinks its kind of cute but then when it happens every night he starts getting annoyed. But he never tells her. Then it starts eating away at him. Something small starts to grow into a an issue that makes it difficult to tell Jane how he really feels. What if John wasn’t concerned with how Jane might respond? If he were able to share how he felt and simply tell Jane the facts he would be authentically sharing. If he told her how he felt in response to the recurring events the possibility of a deepening relationship between them would be likely.
As Theodore Geislin said “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
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